Dear Damien,

You are 4 now.

These 4 years have been amazingly tough but beautiful because of you.

I needed something to live for. Something to change me. You did that.

April 23, 2015 I saw you. I heard your heart beat. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew I was scared but you gave me a reason.

You are so smart. Brilliant beyond your little 4 year old self. You are difficult some days, but so am I. You have your own schedule, your own plan. I will support you, love you, guide you. Be here when you fall. And be there when you climb to the top.

Some days, I feel like a failure. I yell more than i want to admit. I get mad at you, and frustrated with you. Then you come over and hug me. Kiss my cheek and tell me you love me. Then all is right again.

I fully believe there’s no right time to have a baby. You were the biggest surprise, the biggest wave in my life. For all of that and more, I love you.

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