So the other day I had what you could call “A Mental Meltdown”. Everything in life was wrong and going down the shitter.
This is what I shared to my husband and all of Instagram:
“Im so fucking sick of everything and being overwhelmed by everything. Its not about taking a pill its about Im sick of everyone telling me what to do and how to live.”
I added this on Instagram: “Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Being these while dealing with a shitty past and depression and anxiety is too much to deal with every single day. Having family that doesn’t help nor fare or understand is beyond too much to deal with. ( you can feel this way without being suicidal) I don’t want to end my life. I just wish things were different. I’m not going to lie and hide behind a fake smile and Instagram.”
You can hate days of being a parent. You can hate life and yet, not want to end it. You can be so fed up and angry that all you can do is sleep or cry.
Its okay to be all of this and none of this. Its okay that you are at a breaking point yet you can’t afford to break.
We all have our secrets, We all have hard days. For some of us, we dont see that the next day may be okay again. We dont always thing about the future changed or happier. For some of us, we just feel stuck.
I see it all the time- stay at home mom so she cant be unhappy. She doesnt have to work….. Boy is this wrong. I am a stay at home mom, but I am not a maid nor supposed to be a single parent. This shit is not easy.
Then again, being a working mother wasnt any easier. Then you get the mom guilt and people telling you that you are missing out and that the kids need you at home.
Sometimes it is NOT about the kids or husband. It’s about the Women. The wife/Girlfriend. The mother.
Sometimes we need to matter more. We need to be selfish. Which for most of us is the hardest boundary to have.
Im not sure how to end this. So I will just say this-
It is okay to not be okay. Its okay to be lost and mad.
But- its not okay to sit there and allow the world to pass you and drown you.
You are worth everything. You are loved and stronger than you may realize. Make time for you and your wants.