Most days are normal. Most days follow suit with the plan.
However- some days there are little reminders that tear my heart apart.
I’m reminded of my fathers death. I’m reminded of that night walking into to his room, calling 911… the funeral… and the four years that followed.
I’m reminded that my children don’t get to grow up knowing him.
Other days I have reminders about my miscarriage or about my non existent relationship with my siblings and biological mother.
My mother has a relationship with my older sister and two of my three brothers. My fathers kids.. oh boy. His son, died by drug overdose a few years ago and my sister.. well shes is a hot mess. I refuse to have anything to do with.
My mother had a son before me. She gave him up for adoption. He had a good childhood. He ended up pretty decent. He and I speak on occasion but what can you expect when you never knew anything about each other for 18 years..?
This post is all over the place. My thoughts are all over the place. The past few weeks everything has been a reminder of something from my past. Some good and some bad.
I have some great reminders like how my oldest son looks so much like my dad.
I guess this post wasn’t for anyone but myself. That’s the beauty of this whole blog thing. Its a form of therapy. Its allowed my to put my thoughts into words. I’m working through so many years of sadness and anger that right now its all still so jumbled up this is the best I can do.
Needless to say, whatever you may be going through in life, I promise its just a chapter. One day you will turn the page and start a new one.