To start off, while I was pregnant with Damien Kays was deployed and gone until Damien was 5months old. Then he came home for good! We didn’t plan on more kids. We really were just trying to figure out being together and being parents together in the same house.
July 2016, we found out we were expecting! It was a huge shock….. I was still on birth control. We hadn’t talked about more kids, nor did I really think it would happen for me. Anyway, I got the confirmation from the hospital and notified my chain of command. Kays and I told our parents and that was it, because it was still early on. We scheduled the ultrasound, but never got there. So we don’t know for sure anything other than what we can guess.
SO- here it is
July 22, 2016 : That day was a field day at work. Meaning it was workout gear and cleaning around base. So I got up, put on my comfy leggings and tshirt. Drove to base, got ready for the day. They told us what we would be doing, and I decided to go pee before we got started. You never really think about how fast a normal typical day can turn into one of the worst days of your life.
I go pee, and you know, you have to wipe…. so I wipe and I see a bit of bright red blood. So I wiped again, and this there was more blood. Bright red fresh blood.
I go and tell my boss I need to go to the ER.
Of course, My husband is at home with our son sleeping. So I texted him, but he didn’t get it for a while.
I get to the ER, let them know what was going on. They take blood and a urine sample. They take me back, I undress… They let me know they are waiting on the pregnancy test results. At this point I’m alone in the room, freaking out, but at the same time trying to stay calm that everything is okay.
The doctors come in and ask if they can do an ultrasound, and they did. Then they ask if they can do the trans vaginal ultrasound. They did.
They said they would be back in a moment…..
They came back, they came back and told me the pregnancy test was negative. They came back and told me there was no heart beat on the ultrasound. They came back and told me I was having a miscarriage. The doctor came back and told me I was losing my baby. My husband got there shortly after dropping our son off with a friend. I told him the news. That day, that moment, I felt my heart break. I felt the pain so many others have suffered through.
I was bleeding, I was in pain. I was passing was should have been my baby…. one of the hardest moments of my life.
After a few hours they finally released. They gave my a pain pill… told me some info…. let me go home. My husband and I picked up our son, and went home. Based off everything We assume I was around 2 months pregnant. Between the crying, the cramping, the blood… I’m not sure what was worse. Seriously, Anyone who has every suffered a miscarriage, they are a goddess.
So here’s the nitty gritty…
I bled for about a week. Cramped for about five of those days. I passed all this tissue needed. I went for a check up with the OBGYN at the end of the week. She checked my uterus to sure everything had passed and to ensure my uterus was still healthy. I spoke with her about wanting to try for another baby and she gave me the go ahead. She stated that newer research has shown that the 3 months after a miscarriage can be the most fertile time for some women, and give them the best chance for another pregnancy.
Mentally, I did my best to be okay. Its been almost 2 years now, and I got my Rainbow baby. That honestly didn’t take away all the pain from the loss. Id love to tell you that it will be okay and that in the end the pain goes away but I cant say that. What I can say is seek help.
Don’t listen when people say that if you get another baby you cant be sad. YES you can. You lost a child, You lost your baby. Having another baby doesn’t make up for a loss. You can grieve have ever you need to. I needed my baby, so I got pregnant again. I still went through PPD and delt with a lot. I have my rainbow baby but I still think about the baby I lost and who it would have been, and that’s okay.
Please feel free to email me as always.
I am 1 in 4.