You may or may not know that I had my last child in 2017, at the age of 23. That birth was my second cesarean and a horrible pregnancy. I chose to have a bilateral tubal ligation while they already had my cut open. My choice, and my husband agreed it would be for the best.
Now, did I just not want more kids? Did I not want to do pregnancy or birth again, why at 23 would I have my tubes tied? Well, I will tell you….
I WAS SOOOO FREAKING DONE AND OVER PREGNANCY.
Neither of my pregnancies were pretty. I still don’t get why people say pregnancy and birth are beautiful, no they are bloody and scary… and painful.
And yes, my c-sections were great, and I had fairly great recoveries… I don’t ever want to go through any of that again. Both my pregnancies were filled with feelings of being terrified.
You see Both my sons are actually rainbow babies. With Damien, I went to the ER at 16 weeks because of heavy bleeding, they told me I was having a miscarriage. 16 weeks, I already knew he was a boy, and his name… and had felt flutters and I was told I was about to lose him. Luckily, I didn’t. I did how ever experience this 3 more times during my pregnancy. Not to mention, high blood pressure and probably the worst pain you can imagine in my back. Which turned into Sciatic Nerve Damage later on. I was induced a week early because my blood pressure was 209/92…. y’all I’m not kidding when I say it was a some what traumatic pregnancy. I had no help from family and my husband was deployed. I did it alone.
My second pregnancy wasn’t any better, I had slightly elevated blood pressure and Gestational diabetes. More pain than I thought was possible. Not just my back but every where. I was exhausted, sick the whole pregnancy.. I was constantly worried if I didn’t feel baby movements. Like it was a massive toll on my physically and emotionally.
So at 23, I knew I was done. We had our two boys and I was and am content. People always say I should have tried for a girl.. No, I shouldn’t have. I don’t want a girl. I don’t want to try for a VBAC.
Sometimes at a young age, we just know we are done, and that is beyond okay! Stop judging peoples life choices.